by Chris Ball

Loveland, Ohio – When you think about it, it’s very fitting that Cincinnati Bengals are playing in a nationally televised game with a Simpsons-themed broadcast. I’m forced to be reminded of that epic scene from the show’s season 5 where Sideshow Bob, an intellectual genius, tracks Bart and his family with an eye of getting revenge for the young Simpson’s actions in foiling his latest criminal master stroke. Though he’s got everything planned down to the smallest detail, he’s nearly derailed by inexplicably continuing to step on a series of rakes, one after the next, wincing in pain each time.

It’s the perfect microcosm of the 2024 Cincinnati Bengals.

This team has had ample chances to salvage their season. And so far, their defense has let each and every one of those opportunities slip away in excruciating fashion. Despite having the league’s leaders in passing yards, receiving yards, and sacks, the team sits at 4-8 and looks extremely likely to miss the playoffs for the second straight year.

Talk about stepping on rakes.

It’s certainly a deflating position to be in as the Bengals head into Dallas for next week’s matchup on Monday Night Football. They won’t be the only disappointing team facing a national audience in primetime. The Cowboys are without Dak Prescott and are 5-7. They are a team that, like Cincinnati, has to face plenty of questions about their head coach. While Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones pledged not to fire Mike McCarthy during the regular season, the coach is in the final year of his contract and fans are clamoring for a change.

It’s a matchup of extremely flawed teams, but one that does favor the Bengals in certain aspects. As bad as Cincinnati’s defense has been this year, they have shown the ability to play well against lesser NFL quarterbacks. Dallas’ Cooper Rush has had a mercurial run since taking over after Prescott’s injury. He threw for 354 yards agains the Texans and 247 in the matchup against the Commanders. During that two game span he connected for three touchdowns to just one interception.

Last week in a slim win over a struggling Giants team, Rush had only 195 yards. The entire Cowboys roster imploded in their blowout loss to the Eagles and Rush was no exception as he managed just 45 yards through the air. While Rush isn’t blowing the doors off any opposition, any offense with CeeDee Lamb on the roster can be dangerous. Even with a backup quarterback, Lamb is fifth in the NFL in receiving yards, though in his last five games he’s surpassed the 70 yard mark only once.

As Dallas’ passing game looks to find consistency, Cowboys running back Rico Dowdle is showing just how good he can be. He had a season high 123 yards last week and has run for more than 90 yards in three of his last five starts. Overall, though, Dallas has have the second-least rushing yards in the NFL (1,030) and the least rushing touchdowns (four) as a team.

The Bengals defense is fresh off its latest embarrassing meltdown and looking to find any way to get off of the field without allowing points. The numbers continue to be extremely bleak. They rank 31st in points allowed per game, 27th against the pass, and 22nd in stopping the rush. They saw veteran Russell Wilson torch them for 414 yards and three touchdowns last week and had no answer for the Steelers’ receivers, which is extremely concerning given the talent Lamb brings to the field.

The bad news for the Bengals as well is that Micah Parsons is waking up. He has 5.5 sacks and 9 quarterback hits in his last four games. Overall the Cowboys defense isn’t overwhelming but they are the 13th best against the pass despite giving up 8.0 yards per attempt through the air, tied for the second most in the NFL. Dallas’ secondary has also allowed nine passes of at least 40 yards downfield, which is also tied for the second most in the league. Though these numbers make it appear as though Joe Burrow could do some major damage, there is a bit more to the story.

Dallas has shown a heightened ability to rush the passer, especially Parsons. They are ninth best in sacking the quarterback, and after allowing four of those last week against the Steelers, this has to be an area of extreme concern for Cincinnati coming into this one.

Special teams also plays a role here. The Bengals will be without embattled kicker Evan MacPherson, out with a groin injury. He’s been far from “Money Mac” but kicked decently last week against the Steelers. While the hope was that he would use the last few matchups of 2024 to try to stabilize his game, for now the team will be rolling with former Commanders’ kicker Cade York.

But there’s a chance many of his detractors will be longing for MacPherson’s return very soon. In 17 games with Cleveland (his team before the Commanders), ESPN notes that York struggled. He was 24-of-32 on field goal attempts and 35-of-37 on extra point attempts. In August, the Browns traded him to the Commanders for a conditional seventh-round pick. He missed both of his field goal attempts in the team’s season opener and was released.

When it premiered, the Simpsons redefined both animation and the sitcom and irrevocably changed pop culture forever. Let’s hope by some miracle they can just help the Bengals win a primetime game.

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Christopher Ball is a longtime Loveland resident and an attorney. He graduated from Loveland High School in 2003 and was a member of the football team before going on to become a coach’s assistant at DePauw University in Greencastle, Indiana. He has been following and rooting for the Reds and Bengals since the early 1990s and has been through the many ups and downs that fandom has wrought over the years.

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